Advertising People belong to the least liked professional guilds. After car salesmen, we come in on close second! We are impudent liars and blushless persuaders. People hate us!

That´s why we invented advertising awards. They make us feel better! On glamorous gala ceremonies, the most outstanding ideas and executions in film and print advertising are awarded by top-class juries. Just like the Oscars. Except nobody cares. At least nobody outside the industry. Well, Cannes might be the only exception. The Cannes International Advertising Festival makes it to the feature pages of some papers and magazines every year. Mostly to realize the oddity of an industry celebrating itself for a week.

OK. Now you´ve won a couple of international awards. You went to some award shows, got lots of free drinks and your 12 seconds of fame on stage. You drag your prey home into your cage. Now what? What do you do with your little gold, silver or bronze statues? Here are some suggestions:

THE CANNES LION

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The king of all awards. It´s very heavy. And not really a prime example for breathtaking product design. I only own one. But if you have two (which will be the case next year!) they make really good bookends.

THE NEW YORK FESTIVALS WORLD MEDAL

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A chunk of metal inside a block of acryl on a plastic base. Makes a good paperweight for rejected commercial scripts. I have a lot of rejected scripts. I need more NYF trophys!

THE MEDIA GRAND PRIX

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If you took a picture of it and put it in a catalogue for gay sex toys, it would probably fit in pretty neatly. But it also comes in handy when you can´t find a cork srew.

THE ART DIRECTORS CLUB NAIL

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It´s actually a big nail. It comes in different colors. Gold, silver, bronze. Ennobles every toolbox.

THE ONE SHOW PENCIL

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The silver one is very shiny! When you keep it on your desk in front of you, its reflection shows you when someone enters the room behind your back. In HD-resolution.

THE LONDON INTERNATIONAL AWARD

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It´s a big golden sculpture of a man spreading his enormous wings. And it looks very cool just standing there …